Marriage Definitions

1. Marriage is not a "word". ---It's a sentence -----(A LIFE Sentence to misery).

2. Marriage is love. Love is "blind". ---Therefore marriage is an institution for the "blind".

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his ---"Bachelor's Degree"
   and the woman gets her "masters".

4. Marriage is a three ring circus:--- "engagement ring",
   ---"wedding ring and ---"suffe-ring".

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
   In the 1st year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
   In the 2nd year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
   In the 3rd year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, "you wish you had ordered that instead".

7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. "A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced".

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the --"husband gives" and the ---"wife takes".

9. ---Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
   -Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, -a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.
    Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

11. 'Love" is one long ---"sweet dream", and "marriage" is the ---"alarm clock'.

12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand "before marriage, it is love"; after marriage it is ---"self-defense".

13. When a newly married man looks happy, ---"we know why".
    But when a 10-year married man looks happy, "we wonder why".

14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her.
    They got married, and 'now he is going through HELL".

15. Confucius says: man who sinks into woman's arm soon have arms in woman's sink.

16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

17. Eighty percent of married man cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.

18. *****After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin.
    *****They just can't face each other, ******but still they stay together.

19. Marriage is man and a woman "become one".
    The trouble starts when they try to decide "which one".

20. Before marriage, a man y'earns for the woman he loves.
    After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.

21. I married Miss."--- ---" RIGHT, I just didn't know her FIRST name was "ALWAYS"

22. It's not true that married men "live longer' than single men, it only "seems longer".

23. Losing a wife can be hard. ******In my case, it was almost impossible.

24. A man was complaining to a friend: *I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, **A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, ***THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, ****THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE.
    ***** WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. *******He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.

25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
    HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.

26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another:
    AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER?
    The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

27. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

28. A man inserted an ad in the paper WIFE WANTED.
    The next day he received a hundred letters and
    they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

29. When a man opens the door of his car for his
    wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

30. Man is incomplete until he gets married,
    "THEN he is FINISHED".